Human Relationships in the Light of Christ
Quotes taken from ‘The Engraving of Christ in Man’s Heart’, by Archimandrite Zacharias of Essex
Our mistake is that we expect those around us, that is, sick and fallen creatures, to fulfill our innate need for love, which is something that only God can truly satisfy. We are deceived when we expect to receive from men something that God alone can give us. He instilled in us the desire for love, and He alone can satisfy it. We will know Him through love and become like Him through love.
When we are confronted by the ruins of human love and find ourselves completely broken, then two solutions can be given: either we turn to God with our pain, so that God enters our life and renews us, or we continue to be deceived by our human plans and slide from one tragedy and barrenness of soul to another, hoping that one day we will find perfection. The drama continues until we come to realise that we cannot achieve this on our own.
We need a third Person in our relationships. God is not an intruder in our personal relationships, but is the One Who will cleanse and perfect them. He will make them secure because His great and eternal love will strengthen and inspire them. This is exactly why we run to the Church, where the grace of God in the sacrament of marriage, will sanctify the union of the man and woman so that they will complement each other with their talents and work together for a perfection which will be reflected not only in their loving relationship in this life, but in the eternity of the Kingdom to come. The Lord said, ‘Without me ye can do nothing.’
If we perceive the deceptiveness of searching for a perfect and ideal relationship between two people, and are convinced of this, then we will understand that our deep and innate desire for a loving relationship can only be fulfilled by God, our Maker, our Provider and our Redeemer. Thus we begin an infinitely creative and life-giving journey with God. The stronger our bond of love with God becomes, the purer and stronger will be our love in any horizontal direction. This love will be healthy and powerful in the perspective of our only true love, which is God Himself, and will only then have value, because it will be free, in other words, sinless.
Any kind of love which is independent of God is ontologically self-destructive. When our vertical relationship with God is true and strong, then all our other relationships on the horizontal level will be pure and strong. We must undertake the struggle of our own free will and offer a sacrifice if we wish our relationships with God and our fellows to be successful.
We can see therefore, that, if in our relations with God we find this supernatural contact with Him, then all our contact with people will be overshadowed by this divine blessing. When we follow the Lord, we have only one care: to please Him and thank Him in all we do. But we must first establish a true relationship.
He must therefore make it his only mission and purpose to build a strong relationship with Christ and to be in constant dialogue with Him. All our human relationships will derive strength from this relationship with God, and we will begin to see everything, every element of the created world in the light of this relationship. And if we make it our concern to improve our relationship with Him, deep repentance will spring forth within us. And the more we grow in Christ, the more clearly we will know our poverty, and our inspiration will always be renewed. We will fear nothing because nothing will be able to separate us from His love.
From the Life of St Anthony the Great, section 67: “ His countenance had a great and wonderful grace. This gift also he had from the Saviour. For if he were present in a great company of monks, and any one who did not know him previously, wished to see him, immediately coming forward he passed by the rest, and hurried to Antony, as though attracted by his appearance. Yet neither in height nor breadth was he conspicuous above others, but in the serenity of his manner and the purity of his soul. For as his soul was free from disturbances, his outward appearance was calm; so from the joy of his soul he possessed a cheerful countenance, and from his bodily movements could be perceived the condition of his soul, as it is written, 'When the heart is merry the countenance is cheerful, but when it is sorrowful it is cast down Provers 15:13' Thus Jacob recognised the counsel Laban had in his heart, and said to his wives, 'The countenance of your father is not as it was yesterday and the day before.' Thus Samuel recognised David, for he had mirthful eyes, and teeth white as milk. Thus Antony was recognized, for he was never disturbed, for his soul was at peace; he was never downcast, for his mind was joyous.”